بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

I am giving myself, In Shaa Allah — God-Willing — about 25 minutes, to write, today. No more, no less. I hope this is Meaningful. Allah Knows who my audience, for this piece, is and will be. And I: as always, know not.

There is more that I do not know, than what I do, or ever could. And I have a Lord, and He is the Most Loving, the Most Kind.

What’s been on my mind, very lately, to write about, to blog about?

I am, at present, nearing the end of my first year on the BA Islamic Studies course at the Cambridge Muslim College, AlHamduliLlah. A number of thoughts float – zap – in and out of my head. I: covered a kids’ Madrasah class at the masjid yesterday. I love those students: adorable Afra, lovely, wonderful Inaaya. The highly intelligent, Allah hummabārik, Faatima. I love Amānah’s eloquence, Maa Shaa Allah, and her confidence and cleverness, her love for books and stationery. In fact: she, by virtue of being herself, effortlessly, beautifully: reminded me of how much I, too, love stationery!

Amila, too: she’s super cool. And funny, Maa Shaa Allah.

I might have already forgotten a chunk of what I had been intending to write, in this reflective piece. But the idea had been, I suppose: to look back, consider whom I am, consider how and if and why I am in the ‘right place’ right now.

I: am so happy I am connected with my tutee-turned-little-sister Inayah. AlHamduliLlah, AlHamduliLlah. I am so happy that I have my homie, Sasha, in my life, AlHamduliLlah.

There has been a bunch that has been on my mind, lately. And what is meant to be writ: may Allah Guide us to the best, Āmeen.

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I suppose we could say that lots has happened, AlHamduliLlah — Praise God — since October 2022, which is when I, with the Permission and the Help of God Alone, made the grand, quietly life-changing, move, from East London to Cambridge.

My whole life — and yours — is a dialogue with Allah. Let it be a love letter. I am so happy that He has brought people, happenings, types of knowledge, ways of learning, into this life of mine. Completely beyond my ability and ‘power’: I could not have done this for and by myself, and all goodness is from Him Alone.

And: am I in the ‘right place’? Is the Cambridge Muslim College ‘for me’?

I must appreciate where I am, and to appreciate things, we need to know the stories behind them. Truly know them, and where they are coming from. Like: the house that I have been fortunate enough to have been living in. And my father’s hard work, which has allowed me to pay the rent for it, AlHamduliLlah.

And: I’m grateful for… people like Saisha (not to be confused with my best-friend-housemate Sasha) at the College. In these lives of ours: these ongoing love letters, these stories… Allah Shows us whom we, His creation, are. And: what we love.

I love people who are kind, by nature. And down-to-earth. Like you need not even try with them: real love is effortless. It gives way, gently, lovingkindly, makes room for you, and it feels like a soft and softly firm hug.

Oh, if I can maintain my faith, and grow in my connection with Allah. If I can learn more about the Example of my beloved Prophet, upon him be Peace… then I will be okay. Perhaps we can say that there is insufficient space, in terms of time, for me to write about everything, whether here or elsewhere.

The essences of things matter. I am really happy that after difficulty, God’s Promise is that there will come ease (See Qur’an, (94:5)). I see it in my own life, of course: the real dips, the troughs in life. And the lightnesses and the brightnesses, which are just around the corner. Subhaan Allah: Glory be to God.

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‘Who am I’? Who are you?

The answer is, in your life, all around you! Whom do you love? Who loves you?

[Addition: after the time I allowed myself… What does your soul, effortlessly, by nature, incline towards? I really love train journeys. And… cake. Lemon-and-pistachio cake is super nice, I imagine, although I can’t really remember.

Oh, and of course, this here Dunya existence of ours comes with its lil dilemmas and challenges too. Of course. And Allah is All-Aware, so don’t you worry, child. If you are in want of something or two: your Rabb will Graciously and Generously Grant you.

And I love and miss my little baby cousins Dawud and Siyana. <3. What sweethearts, Allah hummabārik. QTPies, truly.]

How — do you spend your days?

[Another addition: without really even having to think much about it, or ‘orchestrate’, in any way, anything… what sorts of things… do you normally say? What do you do? What will you instinctually know to stay away from?

What do you… accidentally do? What are your internal anxieties, at times? Eh?]

What are you known to focus on? Through which lenses do you view the world?

What is on your desk? What is the story behind each singular thing?

Which books sit on your bookshelf?

What are your vices?

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Oh, I am so happy to feel, AlHamduliLlah, comfortable with being… ‘silly’, at times. Comfortable in my own skin, although, at times, things might feel……. how you say……. a bit prickly. But: being Muslim, and ourselves. And confidently so. Smile like the sunshine, girl.

And when you feel sad: then be sad like the rain. Pour. It is truly a blessing, AlHamduliLlah, to have sufficiency. And: to be alive!

What does it feel like, to truly have grown into one’s own skin? Subhaan Allah. Oh, how I love the fact that we can literally just be whom we are. The best, most ‘effortless’, versions of ourselves. And, of course: be loved for it.

I have got five minutes left, to write. I have got exams coming up, In Shaa Allah, next month. ‘Why’ ought I stay here, and revise for these exams, and see this BA program through? I know that my Purpose here, In Shaa Allah, is to be Muslim, in the best way I can. And to have a beautiful family, In Shaa Allah, and to keep a beautiful home: my palace (in the spiritual sense. I’m okay with a bit o’ comfortable mess, mey). Just do the best thing. What is the best thing?

And, always, always, always: rely on God Alone. Let the Noble Qur’an be your friend, and may you never feel lonely. Put your forehead down on the ground, to God Alone, and you will be fine.

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Two minutes to conclude, then. God’s Plan, His Amazing Story, for you, is Greater.

I really love The Ladz — quarter chicken, peri chips, and a lil carton of Ribena.

I really love… nature. And thunderstorms, AlHamduliLlah. When the sky rumbles. Like my stomach this morning, probably, since I missed breakfast. Yes, I am 22 years old.

[Addition: I went to SportsDirect during my lunch break today. I needed to get something, and am happy I did. AlHamduliLlah. Spent a bit o’ the money I’d made from tutoring. I: ended up seeing my housemate Amina on the way to the College this morning. We’d spoken to one another about gender — the ‘modern’ discourses surrounding it. The Tesco meal deal main I had today was healthful, AlHamduliLlah. Someone from my College spoke to me about, let’s say, the topics of class and race. Somewhat ‘touchy’, unless we navigate things in a good way.

The other day, I unexpectedly got given free pastries/cake at a café I, by Qadr, ended up going to with a friend. A pick-me-up for real! And that chai >. And that chicken pastry >. After a not-great-feeling morning. I promise I think about more things than food. Trust me.

I love spiritual reminders: they also, are completely wonderful. The right words and things, from your Lord, at exactly the right times. What is also undeniably wonderful: is having a good friend along with you on the journey. And you can even be super cheesy with them and get them to ‘complete the heart’ and link pinkie fingers with you as you discuss things and life.

AlHamduliLlah, AlHamduliLlah, AlHamduliLlah. In every state, and for every thing in life and beyond.]

And: Allah Hears and Answers your prayers, our Duʿas!

AlHamduliLlah!

The End.