.بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
It happened. No matter what: the past solidifies into a part of what cannot be denied. So how do we get on with our lives, in the best ways?
Trauma: some occurrence that, whether on the physical, or mental/emotional, level, changes you. Threatens your sense of security, your very sense of identity. A part of you is hurting.
It can leave you feeling… not so great about yourself. On the floor; heavy; broken; bleeding. It’s shock.
It can be long-term, and ongoing. It can be quick: here, and then not.
It can take a long time to really process, actually. To try to make better things of far worse things.
And I am not a fan of that falsified sort of ‘optimism’ that seeks to ‘gleefully reassure’ us that we can simply ‘get on with things’, and then ‘things just up and go away, somehow.’
What about when things feel a bit too heavy for words? When mere ‘getting up and making your bed and exercising’ don’t seem to be anything, really, in the face of what feels like rocks, heavying that human heart of yours?
To Allah. Tonight could be Layla-tul-Qadr, the Night of Decree. Your entire life, we find, could be changed, as a result of what we do and say this very evening.
You’re more-than allowed to feel what you are feeling. Denial is, by nature, antithetical to truth. Your experiences of pain, grief, anxiety, are true. Now: how do we, from this soil, allow newer flowers to slowly start to grow?
Talk: to yourself. Even when so many doors feel and seem and look like they are barricaded, like there are few reasons for hope, left. Talk: He is Al-Fattah, the Opener. The Undeniable, the Wise.
You might want to write. Or, talk to yourself, aloud. Keeping things in your head: that feeling of darkness seems to only give rise to… more darkness, doesn’t it? When your inner truths find themselves tinged with bleakness.
From where can we find light?
This may sound, at first, un-meaningful, but: there have been, and are, others who went or are going through similar to you. Reach out. We’re social, conversant, beings, and loneliness seems a surefire way for us to bring ourselves down even further.
It hurts to lose. Caring (a lot) can lead to… hurting (a lot). So, what do we do?
Avoid caring? Behave in some ‘detached’ way?
You care. That is likely why you hurt: grief is often just love, looking for a way to continue. Who do you want to be? How will you honour yourself, and whom you love and have loved, through you?
What are you all about?
You might worry so much, and hurt because you care; grieve because you love. The solution is not: to ‘stop caring’, ‘stop loving’.
Talk, and talk, and talk. Type, or write, or speak. And:
If things are, for you, too heavy for words, then: Allah hears your heart, I promise you.
[We’re never alone, and often, just knowing this brings something of comfort, to the heart.]